Time to update those readers, people! I’ve picked up sticks and moved! You can now find me blogging at Traveling Well. It’s pretty sparse over there right now, but I’m building it daily. VNV will stay up until May for its archives.
still here – temporarily
I’m still here. I’m still with you all. I’m not lying face down in a bag of chips or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Honest.
I’m working on a new blog. One that will hopefully strike the same balance I’m trying to find in *real* life. Losing weight while loving myself. Enjoying the journey, not being so caught up in the destination. Not being caught up in one aspect of healthy living, but embracing it all.
Not a small task.
6 miles. Pouring rain. Under fifteen minutes for every single mile.
Some days, some workouts, really make me feel like an athlete.
This was one of them.
It didn’t even occur to me to skip it because of the weather.
I didn’t spend one minute cursing the rain.
I didn’t spare it a thought.
I banked the experience, as it’s a good chance my half in October will be in the rain.
It felt natural, right, to be out there.
I did what I had to do.
Because that’s what an athlete in training would do.
nada
It’s True Confession Tuesday at the Sisterhood. I’ll get right to it, as it’s going on 9PM, I’ve got resume’s to send out, and I wouldn’t mind getting a chance to watch a movie tonight. So, here you go. My confessions:
ehhh, I’ve got nothing for you. It’s been a really good week for me. I’ve been hitting all my workouts, going faster and farther than I would have thought possible. My nutrition has been 90% on target, which I think is perfect.
I’ve been very hesitant about combining the principles of intuitive eating with actively trying to lose weight. But it’s really working for me. I’m sporadically tracking my food, just to see if I’m staying on track, but I’m logging it at the end of the day. I’m eating healthy foods because it’s what I’m wanting, it’s in keeping with my goals. But I’m also allowing myself the occasional serving of chips or ice cream or wine. That’s servings, not bags or pints or bottles.
My nutrition hasn’t been textbook perfect, but it’s been the moderation that I’ve been seeking for so long. My goal isn’t to drop a dress size in two weeks, it’s to be healthier and stronger and fitter. And I’m well on my way.
I’m hoping the scale is kind tomorrow. But I need to remind myself that I’m doing this the right way, in a way that’s sustainable for me, and if the numbers are slow to move, then so be it. This is a life change, not a quick fix.
decisions, decisions
Today I had a four mile training walk. I took an i-pod, but I didn’t listen to it. I listened to the thoughts inside my head. Because there is a lot going on in there.
Me with my training partner, about to leave the house.
We are contemplating a change. A big, big change. A transatlantic change. There is so much to think about, so much to consider, that I feel like I’m drowning in the possibilities and the details and the what-ifs. This walk was like a therapy session, helping me to categorize what the important concerns are, what are just annoying details, and what is best for us.
A bit of background for anyone new to the blog and anyone that doesn’t follow my senseless ramblings on Twitter. We are Americans, but we live in Belgium. We moved here over six years ago, chasing the perfect job. And we have been very happy here. But…
But the perfect job is not quite so perfect these days. There are a lot of details to that, but it’s not my story to tell. Regardless, there is a job hunt on. It’s only a matter of time. The question is: do we limit ourselves to only the suitable jobs that show up in our geographic location (severely limited) or do we look stateside.
I looked stateside on a whim, and found a job with J’s name all over it. In his home state. 4.5 hours from his mother. J wants this job. We’re going to go for it. Now, they may already have someone in mind for the post. They may not want to wait for us to pack up our entire household and move seven time zones. They may not want to pay what J wants to be paid. Perhaps it’s all for nought. But, it’s really got me thinking.
Where do we really want to live? Why were we so gung-ho to come here in the first place? What would we be giving up if we moved stateside? What would we be gaining? What’s best for the kids? For J? For me?
Some of those questions are easier to answer than others. We desperately wanted to come here 6+ years ago. We’d lived in Belgium previously, and wanted to do the European experience all over again as a married couple. Most of our friends were here. But, really? You can never recapture that perfect scenario. Our friends had moved on, back to the Netherlands or Germany or Scotland. We talk to them on the phone and lament that we don’t visit more often, but we could be doing that from the states. The job wasn’t the same. My situation was completely different. Previously, I had been working in an office full of international staff. This time around I’m a stay at home mom. I love staying home with my kids. Don’t get me wrong. But here the stay at home mom is a rare thing. Nearly all moms work (I can’t work here, as a foreigner, unless it’s in an official capacity), and I find myself very isolated. Every couple years, any friends I have made move on. Any friends J makes through work disappear in a year or two. The same with the kids the boys befriend.
Adding to the isolation, of course, is the language barrier. We’re taking steps to remedy that, French immersion at the university for me, putting the boys in the local school. But… did you know I have a degree in literature? I want to meet people with whom I can discuss Shakespeare and Chaucer and Victor Hugo. I don’t want to talk about the weather, or get directions to the bibliotheque. It’s very frustrating. I’m trying, I’m learning, but it’s so slow.
What would we be giving up? Living in the heart of Europe. Being able to hop a train to Paris or London at the drop of a hat. Yearly vacations in Scotland. The kids becoming fluent in French. Mostly the travel, I guess, and in all honesty we do startlingly little of that. We just can’t see dragging the kids on the great European vacation, 17 countries in 17 days, when they’d really rather play in their own backyard. We’d also be losing our tax-free status (which hasn’t worked out to be tax-free AT ALL) and no doubt taking a significant pay cut.
What would we be gaining? There’s a lot to be said for living in your own country. Knowing the system. Knowing the language. Being able to walk into the public library and read any book off the shelves. Voting in an election that actually affects you. Being a real part of the community. Living on the same continent as the rest of your family, even being able to visit them more than once every couple of years. Paying less for a 15 acre farm than we paid for our 3 bedroom house on a corner lot. As for travel, there’s a hell of a lot of the US that I’ve never seen as well. They’re al little things, but little things really add up.
What’s best for the kids? That’s a toss up. It would be great for them to grow up bilingual — it would open a lot of doors. Even more doors could be opened if they could attain dual citizenship, a possibility but definitely not a certainty. They’ve been places, already, that other kids only read about in books. Then again, there’s a lot written in books about the states, and my kids haven’t been any of those places. They need friends, they need stability, they need family. They can have all those anywhere we go. They’d probably have more of them in the states.
Best for J and me? We’re torn. I was thinking today, on my walk, that we love the idea of living in Belgium more than actually living here. Again, don’t get me wrong. We do love our lives here. But we’d love our lives in any location. The crux of our lives is caught up in the two of us and the two little boys that depend on/complete us. Where we live is just a detail. And aside from the occasional daytrip to Paris, or trip to Scotland, we’re not doing anything here we couldn’t be doing there. Best for J is wherever a good work location is, where he can be happy and appreciated in his job, keep his family housed and fed and safe, and have some friends to chat about ham radio and such. Best for me? Somewhere my family is happy, where I can have friends, and where I don’t feel like I’m stagnating.
I think if we hadn’t bought the money pit a few years ago, we’d have jumped a plane before now, when one of several other opportunities caught our eyes. I think the house is a huge consideration, but J is, surprisingly, more pragmatic. We’ll probably take a hit when we sell it. We probably won’t get back what we paid for it plus what we’ve put into it. But so what? We also won’t need nearly as much money to drop on a house in the states.
Sounds like the decision’s been made, doesn’t it? We’re not burning our bridges here, not saying an absolute NO, but I think we’re looking toward the states. I know I am, probably more than Jesse. My reasons are different than his. I’ve been feeling this for a while, maybe a year? But I didn’t want to put the pressure on him to drop the job he’s doing for which he’s getting paid well and let’s start over new somewhere. But I think this would be good for us, good for the kids and me especially. Because as much as we try to blend, we are isolated.
Okay, that was long and rambling enough. I’m off to attack J’s resume and groom it for this particular job. Wish me luck!
just checking
Last week I gave myself some very simple goals.
Drink water, lots. Enjoy my training. Feed my body, not my emotions. Forgive myself when I screw up. Step on the scale next week knowing that, whatever it tells me, I’ve treated myself well.
For the most part, I’ve been spot on. I’ve drank so much water this week I’m practically sloshing. I’m *loving* my training. I’ve caved a couple times on the “feeding my emotions” bit, but I’m doing better than I have previously, so that’s a step in the right direction. Forgiving myself? working on it.
I’m learning to treat myself well. Actually, I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough with that this week, but only because a particular low point this week which shall remain undiscussed here, because it’s my blog and I can do what I want really spotlighted some self-sabotage tendencies I have. Now that I’m much more aware of them, I’m much more thoughtful and conscious when making certain choices. How’s that for cryptic? 
My goals for this week? All of the above, plus:
- get two servings of fruit a day. Yes I know I’m a vegetarian, and I get heaps of veg, but very little fruit. I tend to consider it too costly. But then I find myself craving something sweet and end up eating dried fruit/ice cream/waffles to get the sweetness I’m craving. Whereas maybe, just maybe, if I’d had a bit of fruit, I could have avoided the whole cycle.
- don’t put off meals. I’ve fallen victim to this a couple times this week, and it always bites me in the ass. I get too busy with kids/errands… even working out, and by the time I get around to eating, I’m famished and eat twice as much as I really need.
As for the scale:
last week: 167
this week: 165
loss: -2 pounds
How did you do this week? Come over to the Sisterhood and get the support you need to succeed!
Pantry Purge Tea Party
Although my fridge is far from purged, it is purged of anything that might be considered questionable. So I’ve got a day or two to move on to something else in my kitchen that desperately needs to be purged. My deep, dark, dirty little secret:
the evidence against me
I am a tea hoarder. The tea is the middle shelf. Please no one lecture me about the Coffee-Mate on the coffee shelf, it’s got nothing to do with me. Anyway… The picture just doesn’t do it justice. In that cupboard, in that picture, there are seventeen different kinds of tea. *hangs head in shame* Some of it I love, and buy over and over and over and over and over. Some of it… meh. But rather than toss it, or give it away to someone, I shove it to the back of the cupboard. Because I hate to throw anything out (you did note that I store most of my tea in recycled peanut butter jars, didn’t you? I didn’t eat all that peanut butter, honest).
I don’t even want to tell you how many of these are so old they don’t even smell anymore. Thanks to the pantry purge challenge, I’m now down to seven containers of tea — a girl’s got to have some choices, right? Oh, and I discovered that my favorite tea of all time had back recklessly pushed to the back. And I thought I was all out. Come to Mama, baby!
Hot Masala... mmmmmm
Are you keeping up with the pantry purging going on at the Sisterhood? What are you tossing out/using up/rolling your eyes at having bought in the first place?
Pantry Purge Pasta Salad
Christie O. has issued us the challenge of a Pantry Purge this month. Out with the bad, and get to using all the good. You know, the good stuff that’s in your cupboards and your fridge and your freezer. The stuff I you glance over quickly, decide there’s *nothing* to eat, and order a pizza instead.
Now, this is a challenge I like. We have stores. Like, we could be snowed in for a month and not run out of food. Please ignore the fact that we live in Belgium and will probably only have a light dusting of snow for about a week this winter. It was figurative. We’d run out of fresh and frozen of course, but we have so much rice and beans and pasta and canned tomatoes and UHT soy milk and bottled water and… And that’s a good thing. You should have stores. But the can of enchilada sauce that I bought way back when we lived in Hawaii six years ago? The three boxes of quinoa I bought a few months ago when I was amazed to see them in the store? The sesame seeds? Use it or lose it, I think is Christie’s point.
I definitely need to do some rotating of our pantry. We tend to use the same things over and over (pasta and brown rice) and leave others (quinoa) on the shelves forever. But first, I’m dealing with the fridge. I’ve got some lovely organic carrots that aren’t going to last much longer, and far, far too many zucchini and summer squash. Add in the bag of red peppers I bought with the intention of making some dish that now escapes my mind. I can’t use it all up in one day, but I can make a good crack at it though, with this
Pantry Purge Pasta Salad
Ingredients
- 8 oz macaroni (damn, I should have done this with quinoa!)
- 9 oz zucchini (one)
- 13 oz summer squash (one large-ish)
- 5 oz red bell pepper (one)
- 7 oz carrots
- 1 can chickpeas
- 1/3 cup light Italian dressing (I used Ken’s Steak House Lite Northern Italian Basil and Romano)
- a sprinkling of parsley
Cook macaroni as per instructions. Meanwhile, clean and chop your veg. Drain and rinse chickpeas. Add the carrots to the pasta for the last minute. Drain your pasta. Toss pasta with all the veg and chickpeas. Drizzle with your dressing and mix thoroughly. Pop it in the fridge to chill for your evening meal. Voila!
Obviously, it’s just a pasta salad. What vegetables do you have that you need to use up? Throw them in! I figured this as four HUGE ASS main-dish servings at 8 points a delectable bowlful. That and some garden fresh tomatoes, maybe a bit of baguette, and you’ve got a light summer supper.
exhilaration
I wish I’d been able to sit down and blog about this the second I walked in the door. It would have been so much easier to capture the sense of exhilaration I felt. But there was a toddler to de-pullup-ify, water to slug down, phone calls to take, and so forth. But here it is:
I had the most incredible walk today. Three miles, with the stroller, on the canal. One of my fastest times yet (averaged 14:34 minutes per mile). But that’s not what was so awesome. It was how I felt. I didn’t’ feel like some chubby girl, putting in a few miles to burn a few calories in some vain attempt to get the scale to be nice to me. It was hot, and I was wearing a tank top, and I was sweaty. But I didn’t see my batwings uncovered, and I didn’t feel like a frumpy, hot mess.. Instead, I saw the sweat glistening on my biceps. I felt like an athlete. I felt strong, and fast. And I felt proud, not self-conscious.
Something else that made today so spectacular? I realized I am no longer in pain. I am no longer nursing one of many assorted injuries. This is the first time in at least a year, I’d say, when I haven’t felt held back by one injury or another. First it was one knee, then the other. Then, for the longest time, my foot. Taking these last few months off hasn’t done much for my waistline nor the scale, but I think it has finally freed me being in a constant injured state.
Now, I truly think the only things that are slowing me down are my conditioning, my stamina, and the extra pounds I carry. As I continue to train and treat my body well, the first two will increase and the latter will decrease. I’m still icing my foot after walks, just as a precaution. It just feels so good to feel whole.
half training week one in review
I am one week closer to putting my money where my mouth is and actually completing a half marathon. Ten miles total this week. I missed my 3 mile tempo walk due to circumstances beyond my control. Seriously, he’s not quite three — he therefore qualifies as “beyond my control”! But other than that one missed day, I’ve stuck to the plan and done my best to give it my all, while still being cautious with old injuries.
Things I have learned this week:
- It’s better to walk with the stroller than not at all.
- I’m simply not a morning exercise person. I tried. I really did.
- It’s better to sacrifice my evening blogging/twitteing/reading/lazing about time than to sacrifice a walk.
- I am faster and stronger than I think.
- Music geared for walkers is too slow for my pace. That geared for runners is too fast. Have any good power walking tunes (138-142 bpm) to pass on?
This next week Liam is in a stage (think day camp) so getting in the walks should be no problem. After we drop Liam off, Harry gets plopped in the stroller and we’re off. The great thing about taking the stroller? Is how fast I am on days when I don’t
